{"id":1708,"date":"2011-03-29T07:09:33","date_gmt":"2011-03-29T11:09:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/childrenofhoarders.com\/wordpress\/?page_id=1708"},"modified":"2017-07-16T00:34:54","modified_gmt":"2017-07-16T04:34:54","slug":"still-living-in-it","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/legacy.childrenofhoarders.com\/?page_id=1708","title":{"rendered":"Still Living In It?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Are You Living In It Right Now?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"Did you have an Elephant in the\u00a0Livingroom<\/a>?<\/p>\n

The\u00a0information below\u00a0was adapted from material developed<\/address>\n
to help children of alcoholics with the permission of the<\/address>\n
National Association for Children of Alcoholics.<\/address>\n

This is what they tell kids who are growing up in an alcoholics home to help them. Maybe it will help you too? \u00a0 They call them the 7 C’s:<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 I didn’t C<\/strong><\/span>ause it.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0 I can’t C<\/span><\/strong>ure it.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 I can’t C<\/span><\/strong>ontrol it.<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0 I can C<\/span><\/strong>are for myself by C<\/span><\/strong>ommunicating my feelings<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0 Making healthy C<\/span><\/strong>hoices, and…<\/p>\n

6. By C<\/span><\/strong>elebrating myself<\/p>\n

Here’s a good place for kids to go: Kids Page<\/span><\/a>, Children of Alcoholics.\u00a0If alcoholism is also a problem in your family, you can find help at Alateen<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Ask your teacher or someone you trust at school, your family doctor or family friend\u00a0where to find some support for those who live with a hoarder if you feel you need someone to talk to about it.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

What can kids do?<\/span><\/p>\n

Here are a few suggestions for you:<\/p>\n

DO talk about<\/strong> how you feel.\u00a0 You can talk with a safe person in your life-maybe a close friend, relative, school counselor, teacher, minister or others.\u00a0 Maybe your school has a private group for kids to talk about things going on their homes (privately)?\u00a0 Ask your teacher about it.\u00a0 Sharing your feelings is not being mean to your family.\u00a0\u00a0Talking to someone about your feelings can help you feel less alone.<\/p>\n

DO try to get involved<\/strong> doing enjoyable things at school or near where you live-the school band, softball, Boy or Girl Scouts, or others (ask your teacher how to have a “Big Brother or Big Sister”).\u00a0 Doing these types of activities can help you forget about the problems at home, and you could learn new things about yourself and about how other people live their lives.<\/p>\n

DO remember<\/strong> that feeling confused is a normal way to feel when you live with a parent that hoards.\u00a0 It’s confusing to\u00a0be embarrassed and mad at\u00a0the “mess”\u00a0\u00a0at the same time that you love your parent who hoards things.<\/p>\n

DO remember<\/strong> to have FUN<\/strong>!\u00a0 Sometimes children who live in a messy home worry so much that they forget how to be “just a kid.”\u00a0 If things are bad at home, don’t let that stop you.\u00a0 Find a way to let yourself have fun.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

4 FACTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

FACT #1
\n<\/strong>Your parent is not a bad person; he or she has a\u00a0problem that makes him or her keep things and not throw them out.\u00a0 Maybe this problem\u00a0makes them do mean things sometimes or get mad at you. It’s not about you, even though it might seem that way at times.<\/p>\n

FACT #2
\n<\/strong>You can’t control your parent’s hoarding.\u00a0 It is not your fault.\u00a0 Don’t try\u00a0to throw things away or clean up to make things better.\u00a0 It may only make them angrier.\u00a0 Don’t try to be perfect; you can’t do anything about your parent’s hoarding.\u00a0 You are not the reason why your parent can’t\u00a0throw anything away.\u00a0 You did not cause the mess.<\/p>\n

FACT #3
\n<\/strong>You are not alone.\u00a0 There are lots of kids just like you.\u00a0 I’ll bet there are some in your school…kids you would never think of might have a parent who can’t throw things away like yours.\u00a0 In fact, we know that there are\u00a0almost two million homes in our country that are overwhelmed with “things”.\u00a0 If you live in a very, very messy house, you really aren’t alone.<\/p>\n

FACT #4<\/strong>
\nYou CAN talk about the problem.\u00a0 Find someone you trust who will talk to you.\u00a0 It could be a teacher or a student assistance counselor if you have a student assistance program at your school.\u00a0 Your teacher can help you find someone who can help.\u00a0 You\u00a0could also talk to a friend’s parent, a\u00a0big brother or sister.\u00a0 These are the ‘safe people’ in your life.<\/p>\n

Remember these 4 Facts!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Don’t forget to take care of yourself! Check out this cool site<\/a> to help you do that!<\/p>\n

Get a pen pal here<\/a>!<\/p>\n

Play some games!<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

This letter did not come from the National Association\u00a0for Children of Alcoholics, but from a grown up daughter of a hoarder:<\/p>\n

6\/7\/06:<\/p>\n

Hi!\u00a0 Living in a house that was such a mess all the time made me feel angry at my mom a lot.\u00a0 I didn’t know why she couldn’t just keep it clean like my friend’s mom’s!\u00a0 It was so embarrassing!\u00a0 When I cleaned up, my mom would yell at me like I did something bad.\u00a0 I used to cry a lot or be mad.\u00a0 I was usually more mad.\u00a0 I was just trying to be good.<\/span><\/p>\n

My dad was always mad about the mess.\u00a0 There were so many arguments.\u00a0 I thought if I just cleaned\u00a0the house up, everything would be good and everyone would be happy. <\/span><\/p>\n

I didn’t know it back then, but my mom had a problem they call “Hoarding”.\u00a0 There was nothing I could do to change it, she had to see a doctor to get help. <\/span><\/p>\n

When my mom would pick through the trash and get mad at me for throwing something away that was broken or not any good, I thought I\u00a0really did something wrong\u00a0and felt guilty all the time.\u00a0 But I shouldn’t have.\u00a0 It is because of my mom’s hoarding problem that she got mad, I wasn’t really doing anything bad.<\/span><\/p>\n

So when your mom or dad gets mad at you, remember, it is because he or she has a disorder.\u00a0 It doesn’t make them bad people.\u00a0 It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t love them as much as possible!\u00a0 But remember,\u00a0 it’s not your<\/span> fault they have this problem.<\/span><\/p>\n

–A grown up daughter of a Hoarder <\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Resources JUST FOR KIDS
\n<\/strong>Links On-line<\/p>\n

Alateen<\/strong>
\n<\/a><\/strong>A fellowship of young Al-Anon members, usually teenagers, whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking.\u00a0 The can help those that live in a messy house with a hoarder, too.<\/p>\n

DHHS Kids Page<\/strong>
\n<\/a>The Federal Department of Health and Human Services has all kinds of information about children’s health and well being.\u00a0 This site includes puzzles and games as well as serious information about health and illness, the environments, sports and fitness, and the harm caused by smoking and using drugs.<\/p>\n

BOOKS<\/strong><\/p>\n

Take this list to the library and ask the librarian if they have any of them.\u00a0 Remember, the books about alcoholism can also apply to hoarding, just change the word in your mind as you are reading:<\/p>\n

An Elephant in the Living Room<\/strong>, The Children’s Book, M.H. Typo and J.M. Hastings Minneapolis, MN: Compcare Publications, 1984.\u00a0 A program designed to help children from seven years to early adolescence cope with the problems of living with a problem drinking or drug-abusing parent or sibling.<\/p>\n

My Dad loves Me, My Dad has a Disease<\/strong>.by Claudia Black\u00a0 Bainbridge Island, WA:\u00a0 M.A.C. Printing, 1979.\u00a0 Is a \u201cmust\u201d book for children ages 5 \u2013 14 from addictive families. Written originally for children of alcoholics, this 3rd edition is revised to reflect other drug addiction as well.<\/p>\n

This is an illustrated workbook that explains and portrays addiction from the viewpoint of children who have at least one addicted parent.<\/p>\n

Something’s Wrong In My House.<\/strong> Katherine Leiner.\u00a0 New York:\u00a0 Franklin Watts, 1988.\u00a0 About domestic violence and alcoholism and how it affects children.\u00a0 Acknowledges the universal feelings of fear, anger, and hopelessness, and looks for ways to cope.<\/p>\n

Think of Wind.<\/strong> Catherine Mercury.\u00a0 Rochester, NY:\u00a0 One Big Press.\u00a0 A simply stated story about how alcoholism impacts families.\u00a0 An excellent resource for teachers and parents to use with young children, and older children to read on their own.<\/p>\n

Watch this little movie so you remember to laugh!<\/a><\/p>\n

What Would You Say to a Fifteen Year Old Child of a Hoarder?<\/a><\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Are You Living In It Right Now? Did you have an Elephant in the\u00a0Livingroom? The\u00a0information below\u00a0was adapted from material developed to help children of alcoholics with the permission of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics. This is what they tell kids who are growing up in an alcoholics home to help them. Maybe it … <\/p>\n

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